


The night is long and the moon is out

by spun809



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, M/M, PTSD, Self Harm, Suicide Attempt, WIP
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-28
Updated: 2014-05-28
Packaged: 2018-01-26 23:22:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,476
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1706312
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spun809/pseuds/spun809
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean Winchester faced the worst things that humans could come up with and that hell itself could devise but when it came to his own internal struggles that was nothing. There was only one angel who would be able to pull him out of hell itself and the hell Dean had created for himself.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The night is long and the moon is out

**Author's Note:**

> This work contains reference to underage dubcon and past abuse, as well as suicide, self-harm, alcoholism, PTSD, and depression please don't read this if this or similar things are triggering to you otherwise enjoy and would love comments this is a WIP and unbetaed

It was dark inside the motel room but the darkness wasn’t necessary to hide Castiel, Dean couldn’t see him either way. The motel was like countless others that he knew Dean had stayed in over his life time but at this point he was sure the human barely noticed his surroundings anymore. Dean had been systematically cutting himself off from the world around him for years and had only been increasing his isolation from reality in the last few months. There was no way around it Dean may of thought his stint in hell was over and there was nothing more to talk about but the fact was the he was losing it and Castiel knew him more than anyone else, knew him inside and out down to his very soul. He knew that it was only a matter of time and Dean would need saving again and Castiel was going to be there to make sure he could. ****

Dean lay on the motel bed with a bottle of wild turkey in one hand twirling a knife in the other. Dean had started drinking when he was fairly young he remembered even now the comfort that that first drink had on him how it had taken himself to some blurry place where all the pain was less clear. As he took another drink from the bottle he thought back to the first time he ever had a drink. He had been maybe twelve or thirteen, yet again John had left him on some hunting trip and he had been left with the responsibility of taking care of Sammy. It had been on day eight of being left alone in the crappy hotel room they had run out of food money, Sam had been whining for hours about being hungry and wanting pizza. Dean couldn’t just let his baby brother go hungry and so he decided he was going to go out and find someone to hustle. ****

Things didn’t really work out how he had thought they would. It was dark and there was an ally between their seedy motel and the local dive bar Dean noticed a man leaning against one of the walls by the trash can, he could only see a vague outline of the guy he was probably his dads age heavy set and sort of squat but he called out to Dean, “Hey kid come here I wanna talk to you,” now Dean knew he was far from what you might call innocent but he only vaguely knew about the idea of trading sex for money and even he could tell that was where this was going. With one desperate thought of Sam hungry and alone in the crappy motel where no adult was going to swoop in and save them he became resolute that this was what he had to do. There were no words he could come up with in his mind that came close to describing how horrible the actual act was. The man pushed him roughly to his knees and told him to open his mouth while he unzipped his pants and pulled out his dick. Luckily for Dean it was so dark even with the man being right next to him he could barely see him but the minute he heard the zipper he shut his eyes. The man roughly shoved his dick in Dean’s mouth it tasted disgusting and dirty and he immediately began to gag but the man seemed not to care. Even though he knew it must have been only a ten minute encounter it seemed to go on forever. And when the man came in his mouth Dean couldn’t help but lean over and vomit onto the ground of the alley way but when he threw down some cash and walked out towards the street Dean knew that he did what he had to for Sam. ****

When he went to the store to buy a frozen pizza for Sam he bought himself his first case of beer. He went back to that same alleyway standing next to his own vomit and drank three down in quick succession. He was young his tolerance low he had left the rest of his six pack and stumbled home to his brother. As he lay on the bed he thought over those memories the desperation and the anger that had been overwhelming him for as long as he could remember. Though he knew now those feelings where childish and small, yeah shit was bad but it was nothing with how he felt know. That time in hell had changed him it was like having poison coursing through his veins, the fact that even now every time he closed his eyes he could see it him torturing those souls and the strange buzz it sent through him. He thought about vomiting in the dark alley after doing something so disgusting and wrong and way too grown up to understand and he felt that way now. Thought it wasn’t disgust at what he did it was at the fact that he liked it, got off on to be honest and what else was there to do but to push everyone away from him. Sam had been gone for a while now he didn’t even really know how long for sure at this point he thought it was probably for the best he could only hurt Sam now. Bobby hadn’t been by either he just assumed that his father figure like his own brother didn’t want to be around him now that the truth was out. Dean knew it too he was worse than a monster even his angel the one who risked everything to save him had gone. At that moment Dean knew what he was going to have to do not for himself but to save everyone around him, just like the night he got Sammy that pizza he was going to help him again because that is all he really had at this point. ****

Cas felt that he had waited in the shadows enough for one night. He used what Dean would call his angel mojo and took himself away from the pain that screamed out from his human. It seemed that no matter how far he went he could still here it calling him, begging him to save the man he used his own grace to knit back to human form. Tonight he was sitting on the bank of a lake it was still there peaceful and everything seemed quiet and isolated but it was as if the very air itself was screaming burning him down to the bone. He knew that Dean would need saving again soon he could sense it but right now wasn’t the time it was about waiting for the moment that he knew was coming. Dean may be a proud man but the truth was he knew that he would get the prayer and that when it happened Cas would be there. ****

Dean had decided that there was no longer any reason to drag his friends and family down any further. He hated himself just for being in their lives darkening those times that could be normal and happy. Sam could go off stop hunting finish school and start a family. This was never the life his little brother had wanted. Just another one of Dean’s massive fuck ups ruining Sam’s life his whole future ruined cause Dean couldn’t do it on his own. Giving himself up to death was the best thing that he could probably do there were no more options at this point. He had given both Sam and Bobby a call. Obviously the information he had given then was bullshit he told them both he was hunting a werewolf somewhere in Colorado but instead had driven to Lawrence instead, where it all started and where it was going to end. ****

Cas was starting to get nervous now, he could tell that Dean was in pain that he was hurting but it had been weeks with nothing from him. From what he could gather from Bobby and Sam he had said that he was out on some hunt but Cas knew there was something else more sinister going on he couldn’t find Dean anymore. While he was feeling some strange emotion which was probably close to human fear it was like he could sense part of his own body was dying and there was nothing he could do about it. Rather than panic Sam and Bobby he had talked to them asked to find Dean vaguely suggesting he might need help on his hunt since he hadn’t been heard from in a few days. He was sure they would probably catch up soon enough but he might just get just enough time to step in on his own. ****


End file.
